Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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