Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize