I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
