winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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