Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
