We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh god the rape fog is back!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
