I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
