you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
