ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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