Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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