I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
