Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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