Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
