it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
