It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize