I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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