did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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