but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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