you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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