so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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