dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
