remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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