I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
