Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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