I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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