I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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