sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
