hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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