I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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