he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
