she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
