Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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