You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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