Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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