i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
