so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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