it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
