I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
