saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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