This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
