worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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