The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
