He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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