we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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