I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
