I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
