When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I had to cum in my sink.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
