literally had 100 drinks last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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