So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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