around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
