the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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