No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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