My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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