I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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