All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
