OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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