I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
