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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.

  Fav 14 1559 5102

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

  Fav 12 6096 1360

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.

  Fav 10 1051 4543

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.

  Fav 7 2049 1566

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.

  Fav 6 1646 705

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• (415): View more from California

  My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.

  Fav 7 1079 591

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen

  Fav 3 1365 1879

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• (254): View more from Texas

  She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Won't she run out of nose eventually?

  Fav 3 840 940

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime

  Fav 1 625 736

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.

  Fav 0 10 31

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• (716): View more from New York

  I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.

  Fav 0 76 10

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.

  Fav 0 38 11

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I will not abuse the gift that was given to me

  (954): View more from Florida

  You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.

  Fav 0 91 19

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