Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
