i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
