I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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