It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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