chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
