Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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