I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
