if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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