When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
