Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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