I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Four minutes until I can fart!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize