I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
