She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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