you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
