About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
