why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
