I wish I could punch you in the face.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
