I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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