I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize