Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
